How to Stop Feeling Guilty And Start Making Things Happen
One of the biggest obstacles to having a healthy self-esteem is the feeling of guilt, which can cause anguish and impede progress towards your goals. Feeling guilty is natural, but there is usually an unconscious force behind it.
Imaginary and trans generational guilt (transmitted through generations of the family) are the most dangerous as they can gradually damage our self-esteem and cause feelings of anguish and intense sadness. It is necessary to understand this feeling and understand how it came about, in order to seek positive solutions and ways to deal with it.
WHERE DOES THE FEELING OF GUILT COME FROM?
It is necessary to pay attention when guilt surfaces and ask a few questions:
- Was something actually done to generate this feeling?
- Did an event occur and someone was harmed? Or is it your own judgment that condemns you?
- Is there a reason for the guilt, or is it simply a feeling you live with most of the time?
HOW TO RESOLVE THE FEELING OF GUILT
The easiest guilt to resolve is the concrete one, which arises from an act committed. In this case, even if it is painful, it is an opportunity to learn and improve self-esteem. For that, it is necessary to have integrity and to recognize the mistake made. If someone has been harmed, do something to repair or minimize the damage. Try to understand the reasons that led you to act in this way, accept and acknowledge your responsibility. So commit to being more aware of that behavior and not allowing it to repeat itself.
These attitudes increase self-esteem, as we take responsibility for mistakes and learn from them. On the other hand, not acknowledging and just being the culprit (o)s tends to paralyze you and prevent change and growth from taking place. Constantly apologizing without reviewing attitudes damages both your self-esteem and your personal evolution.
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU ARE UNABLE TO IDENTIFY THE SOURCE OF GUILT
The guilts that are constantly present in our lives can be derived from imaginary crimes, what we believe we have committed at some point. They are present in the unconscious and that makes it harder to identify their origin, since any everyday fact can activate them. However, if we try to go deeper into the process of self-knowledge, we can find the trigger for this feeling that represents self-punishment.
According to doctors Lewis Engel and Tom Ferguson, authors of the book “Six Imaginary Crimes”, there are some forms of hidden guilt that can generate a process of self-punishment or self-sabotage. Below, I explain better about the imaginary crimes addressed by them:
CRIME OF SUPPLANTING
It runs when someone feels unconsciously guilty for going beyond their family , that is, they are successful in some area that their parents and/or siblings were not.
CRIME OF OVERLOADING
It occurs when someone can carry feelings that were a burden on the family, due to some illness, disability, or even a way of being. These people may have listened constantly as children who were just too much trouble and trouble.
CRIME OF STEALING LOVE
It generates unconscious guilt in those who were more prominent than their siblings or more valued by a parent. These people may feel that they received more attention and care, for whatever reason, and as a result others felt less affection. Here we can include the survivor's crime. If a parent or sibling dies, we may feel guilty about being alive or feel responsible for their death (very common in adults who lost parents or siblings when they were children).
ABANDONMENT CRIME
It can arise when we leave our parents' house or move from country to country to live a more independent life. If parents are sad and unhappy about the absence, guilt can set in unconsciously.
CRIME OF BASIC EVIL
It concerns countless negative messages or negligence that were experienced in childhood that in the future makes the adult believe that he is bad just for existing.
THE CRIME OF DISLOYALTY
Committed when we harshly criticize parents, break family rules or reject something important to the family such as religion, profession or lifestyle. In a way, all other crimes are also about an invisible family loyalty.
The hidden guilt generated by each of these crimes can harm us in different areas of life, generating some kind of self-punishment that harms our success, intimacy, pleasure, spirituality or social life. The self-sabotage that is repeated many times in a certain area may be related to this punishment that we infringe for some imaginary crime.
RECOGNIZE OUR ATTITUDE HERE AND NOW TO GO BEYOND
Calm! If you've come this far and identified yourself with all the crimes, don't despair or blame yourself any more, there's a solution!
Releasing the guilt that does not belong to us is the great challenge. The best thing to do is to recognize and take responsibility for the mistakes made.
First of all, ask yourself if you're not holding on to guilt. If we simply call ourselves guilty of everything, this creates passivity and gives the impression that we don't need to do anything to go further. You send the message: “Don't expect anything from me”, and so don't challenge yourself to be different. This posture damages our self-esteem, which tends to be low as we accumulate guilt and more guilt in our internal account.
The best thing to do is to recognize and take responsibility for the mistakes made. Maybe repair is possible, or not. The most important thing is the desire to go further. Releasing the guilt that does not belong to us is the great challenge.
We need to learn to dialogue with our unconscious. We have the inner wisdom that can absolve us of all these crimes. It is part of the self-knowledge process, which must be constant. A good exercise to do is writing. Keep a journal and start recording your feelings. With that, you begin to own and recognize every situation from the past that may haunt you.
Another exercise is to make two lists, one of goals, what you want for each area of your life, and the other of obstacles, which you think prevents you from achieving everything you've listed. In this second list should appear the beliefs that limit you, that provoke self-punishment and prevent you from moving forward. It is very important not to deny anything, no matter how bad it may seem.
The first step in making it possible to change something is to recognize and accept that it exists. As you accept and even agree with guilt as it is, you can assume an adult posture and are ready to deal with it and its consequences. However, if the guilt is too hidden, you may need the help of a professional to help you dig deeper
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